Wazing Love

Long road trips can be boring. The view of an endless streak of asphalt ahead beside trees striking out on a vast green field is quite hypnotizing that lulls you to sleep. Waking up on your desired destination is a rare occurrence for places that are reachable by land in more than five hours so what is there to do for a passenger who asks “Are we there yet?” every 30 minutes?

During a family road trip to Baguio (one of January’s mainstream place for cool weather), I have discovered that Waze which is this generation’s means of navigating an unknown territory is more than an intelligent and trust-worthy direction-giver. This GPS-based smartphone application who can have an Elvis or boyband voice in more than ten different languages helps individuals find not only the right way to a venue but also to… love.

Yes people, when you’re in the middle of NLEX where Tinder is useless, just open Waze to find your new soulmate. Here is a step by step instruction on meeting that lover who has a speed of a hundred kilometer per hour.

See My Name

Unlike Tinder which allows you to post your best-angled selfie as a profile pic, Waze requires you to use your brain over brawn. Woot woot to all those average-looking witty individuals in the car! So choose a username that not only sets you apart from other Wazers but also lets them know your primary intention. If you want to invite Facebook stalkers, go ahead and put your full name i.e. adriandelacruz. If you want to engage with perverts, write a “50 shades” inspired nickname i.e. s&mdriver. If you want to attract DOMs, type a shallow adjective followed by the word “girl” and end it with the number 18 or 97 i.e. cutegirl18.

Set the Mood

Aside from your username, you are represented by an emoticon. You can change this by clicking Mood in the My Waze icon. If you’re a girl, seduce by choosing the cool one – oh no, what’s up with the bad colored hair and the aviators?! – or the LOL one – seriously, that ribbon is so 90s – or the shy one – wow, bangs parted sideways which represents a miss who says, “ I want to flirt but I’m new to this so please be nice to me ehehe.” If you’re a guy, captivate by selecting the ninja – who’s doesn’t want an Asian hero with a red ribbon on his head – or the speedy one – who doesn’t want a man with a bad tan who loves danger. You know you’ve hit the jackpot when you spot a Wazer with either the following emoticon: T-Rex, 8bit, or Robot which are all reserved for map editors.

Honky Honk

Remember that time when you “buzzed” your crush in YM? Well Waze has a buzz button too called “Beep Beep.” Determine if your selected Wazer whose username is FreddyC with the emoticon with a sword (woah big time, how’d he get that?) is into you by giving him a virtual honk. If he honks back then you two obviously are attracted to each other.

Message In An App

Before you type, “Hey hottie, meet me at Petron in 5?,” take note that all chat messages are made public. Waze even reminds you to “be good” (if only the year 2000 chatrooms had that “be good” note then no one would send you obnoxious and disgusting photos). Now, you don’t want to be labeled as the slutty Wazer don’t you? So keep the message subtle but direct since every single Wazer will read that note. You can start the message by including his username and a riddle to where you can meet him to avoid every Wazer identifying your desperation. A good example of a chat message is, “Hey FreddyC, meet you at the axis of y and x wherein y represents a bean and x symbolizes status.”

So there you go, may Waze direct you to l-o-v-e. Happy heart’s month everyone!


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